White Couch Conspiracy

White couches seem to be trendy these days. I love ’em as much as anyone else. In photos they look fabulous.

Internet / Magazine World

(a typical Pinterest find from a while back)

(I read her blog and she does have a toddler and a dog – so this one is fo reals)

(I’ve got 2 all time favorite AT home tours so far, and this is one of them.  crazy in love like beyonce about this one.  the cream sofa blends right into the wall.  ahhh.)

Real World… goes more like this. 

What is that?

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Yes, that smudge.  Did someone wipe their tiny butt on my sofa??  Oh and nice black hair too.  Maybe the (imaginary) naked hairy man sat here again.  The white furniture is the seating of choice for naked hairy men.

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This was my attempt to clean it with a Shoute wipe.  Since it would be silly to wash the Entire Thing for one little (possibly butt-related) smudgy.  Nah, its probably our infamous Georgia clay from a dog paw.  But Shoute wipe = fail.

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The culprit?  No, he looks so innocent and fluffy.

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So I have 1 white Ikea futon sofa (no longer sold from what I can see on the website).  Like lots of smart Ikea furniture, it has a removable washable slipcover.  My futon lives in the office, a lower traffic area of the house.  But it still suffers the occasional torture of being treated like a jungle gym for one frisky kitten and his canine counterpart.  And suddenly the crisp white sofa has not only accumulated black dog hair, but dirty orange paw smudges as well!

Time for easy peasy washable slipcover action, right?  Truth is, while her covers come off pretty easily (naughty girl) getting them back on again is like wrestling a manatee into a leotard.  And once she is squished back into her newly pristine cover, she has shrunk several inches in the sides.  It takes some sitting on to get it to spread back out to fill the frame, rather than looking too small for the frame it sits on.  (The instructions say don’t put it in the dryer, but at the moment I don’t have an outdoor clothesline and the cover doesn’t quite fit draped over the shower to air dry. At all.  So its either big wet heap or dryer).  The on-task perfectionist would wash that sucker as needed.  But the lazy perfectionist (aka moi) just allows the smudge to mock her. In the meantime I will place a pillow awkwardly over the smudge and wash it before anyone comes over.

So who are these people successfully domiciling with white slipcovered furniture?  Maybe their covers are easy on/easy off and they wash them once a week.  I’d guess that a decent snug-fitting cover (as opposed to a schlumpy, lumpy unattractive one) would take a little work to get on and off.  I can’t even handle it with pets, much less kids with sticky fingers and juice cups.  Don’t other people eat spaghetti and tacos on their sofa every week?  Just us?

Anybody remember that episode of SATC where Carrie and Big go to an upper East Side party and only light-colored food and beverages are allowed because the whole apartment has white rugs / furniture and an OCD hostess?

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4 thoughts on “White Couch Conspiracy

  1. Since you referenced my beloved SATC, I will now read your blog faithfully! We own nothing white (not even clothes) and used to eat on the sofa BC, but now eat regularly at our ikea kitchen table (with a bench that the boys LOVE).

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